Beginning Again
by Kretari - daughter of Hermes
Summary: Matthew's never been noticed unless he was mistaken as his older brother, Alfred. Gilbert's new in town and decided to befriend him. What happens when Gilbert develops feelings for the quiet Canadian? This is their journey.


**AN: Hey guys. So I should know better than to do this by now, but I've lost a bit of inspiration for Strength and Survival tonight. I can't focus on it. So I need something else to focus on. **

**Enjoy.**

Matthew wasn't sure how to really feel. It was always either the pain or the numbness. He was either ignored or mistaken as his annoyingly cheerful older brother.

He was so sick of it all. He hated feeling numb, but the pain made him shy away. He didn't like people mistaking him as Alfred, because the people who did were generally very angry with the American for some reason.

Matthew glowered at the ground as he found his way to his first hour history class.

Just as he entered, the teacher glanced up. "Late again, Williams."he commented dryly.

Matthew gave him a shocked look, but didn't argue. He was not late. In fact, he was a good five minutes early. He found his way to the back row and sat down in his normal seat. He'd learned that it didn't matter where he sat as long as he wasn't in someone's way. Once class begun, people would ignore him. Even the teacher. Beginning of the class was the only time he was ever addressed.

Today was different though. Once the class had started chattering during the middle of the work period - they had already spent the last two days on some huge project about the second World War, and they still had a few days. Matthew wrote in silence, working on his essay since the rest was at his house, tucked safely away in his room on his desk. Nobody ever came in his room unless it was Alfred needing help with something.

During the middle of a sentence, someone reached over and tapped his arm.

"Yes?"Matthew asked, not bothering to look up.

"Well hi to you too. Has nobody told ya it's rude not to look at someone while speaking to them?"

Matthew looked up in amusement and gave a kind smile. "No. Nobody's bothered talking with me long enough for me to meet their eyes before, so it's never come into play."he commented dryly.

This gained a wince. "Right. Well, I'm Gilbert. Just moved in with my brother. Ludwig."

Matthew smiled. He knew Ludwig. The German was probably one of the kinder people in the school. They never ran into each other anymore, but when they used to, Ludwig made it a point to say hello. "I'm Matthew."he said softly.

Gilbert nodded. "So..what are you working on?"

Matthew half smiled. "Project. World War Two. We're supposed to do a visual and an essay about the war."he said.

Gilbert winced. "Oh, great..."he commented.

Matthew gave him an understanding look. "Not a war person either, I see?"

Gilbert laughed. "Nah, it's just...great-granddad was in the war."

This made Matthew nod in understanding, but that was the end of it, because the teacher decided to speak up. "Mr. Beilschmidt, I would like to advise you to get to work,"

Gilbert scoffed, glaring at the teacher, ruby eyes reflecting dislike already. "Well, my apologies, sir. I was just asking Mattie if he could explain what I'm supposed to be doing, since you're too fucking lazy to."he remarked coldly.

The teacher seemed confused before the name clicked in his mind and he shook his head. "Get to work."

Once the period ended, Gilbert walked with Matthew out to the quad, since they both had a free study hall period that they could spend outside in the relatively warm autumn air.

Gilbert spoke. "He always like that?"

Matthew nodded. "Every day."

Just then, a blur of blond and brown tackled the Canadian, making Gilbert look alarmed and Matthew to groan in pain. "Al...let me up, can't breathe."

Alfred jumped off his brother and pulled him to his feet, eyes bright. "Mattie! I'm glad I found ya! I was wondering if you could cover for me with mom and dad tonight? Artie finally agreed to hang out."

"I..."

Alfred grinned and cut him off before Matthew could respond further. "Thanks, bro. I'll make it up to you."

"Al...I can't..."

But the American was already gone again.

Gilbert gave him a worried look. "Normal?"

"Unfortunately."Matthew answered. "That was my brother, Alfred."  
Gilbert nodded. "Ludwig might've mentioned him before. Annoying, overexcitable American who could do with a few blows to his ego?"

Matthew laughed. "Sounds about right."

Gilbert laughed brightly. "Great. Well, since we're out here, might as well get to work, ja?"

Matthew gave him a look, so Gilbert grinned.

"Fine. Ya caught me. I'm curious. How come the teacher didn't seem to know who you were when I mentioned ya?"  
Matthew frowned. "It's normal. People either don't notice me or mistake me as Alfred..."

GIlbert frowned. "You shouldn't be."

By the end of the day, Gilbert had decided to spend some time with Matthew at the Canadian's home so they could talk more. He was glad that he'd met someone who counteracted him so well, and besides, the poor guy needed someone who saw him.

The following month was hectic. Gilbert got much closer to Matthew. He wasn't prepared for it. In fact, at the end of that first month, he knew he'd developed deeper feelings for the Canadian. As such, he distanced himself so he wouldn't get hurt.

The first day that he had distanced himself, Matthew noticed and threw him a look across the room in history, one that utterly destroyed Gilbert - one of pure pain and disbelief.

It took a week for Gilbert to see what kind of effect that his choice had on Matthew. He wanted to fix things, but when he sat down beside the Canadian the following Monday in class, Matthew only curled into himself and continued his work.

He decided, maybe after class, they could talk, but as soon as the bell rang, Matthew had gathered his things and disappeared.

Gilbert frowned.

The Prussian managed to catch Matthew before he headed home, and caught his hand to stop him. "Mattie!"

Matthew gave him a look, but the broken light in his eyes cut Gilbert's heart. "What?"

Gilbert spoke before he thought. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"You didn't mean to hurt me."Matthew cut him off. "I know. Nobody ever does. That doesn't make the pain stop."

Gilbert went to respond, but Alfred showed up then and gave him an icy look.  
The American looked to his brother then and spoke. "Ready to go?"he asked.

Matthew nodded, jerking his hand out of Gilbert's grip and giving him a long look. He paused before he spoke. "I thought you were different, Gilbert. I thought maybe you really cared..instead of just acting like you did."he commented before letting his brother lead him away.

The following morning, Gilbert found himself stuck in a loop in his mind, those words playing over and over in his mind.

He had to fix this. He just didn't know how he could.

That evening after school, Gilbert caught Matthew again while he was waiting on Alfred to show up so they could leave.  
Matthew gave Gilbert a look when he stopped in front of him.

"Mattie..?"Gilbert said. "Can I please talk with you? Two minutes, that's all I ask."

Matthew frowned but nodded. "Two minutes. No more."

Gilbert nodded and started talking. "Listen, I didn't think. I never meant to hurt you. It's just...I didn't know what to do. I really like you. More than I thought I would when we met. I'm not used to having feelings for someone. I just freaked. I thought maybe..it would help if I got a bit of distance for a while, let things settle..."

Matthew gave him a surprised look.

"But that's only served to hurt both of us, you especially. And I'm so sorry. I understand if you hate me now...but I had to tell you."

Silence fell for a few seconds before Matthew spoke. "You like me..?"he asked, shock showing in his eyes.

Gilbert nodded. "Yeah."

Matthew seemed to think it over before he gave a laugh. "Why didn't you just tell me..?"

"I was worried."Gilbert admitted.

Matthew nodded in understanding and gave a sincere smile. "Well, thanks for telling me now. Now can we please patch this up? It's miserable. You are the only person besides my brother who even sees me."he said. "It's hard not having you around."

Gilbert gave a grin. "Yeah. But...I've got a question to ask of you..."

Matthew raised an eyebrow.

"Can we give...us a try..?"Gilbert asked, giving a crooked smile.

Matthew snorted, but nodded. "Sure."he said. "But you have to tell Alfred. I'm not."

Gilbert glanced behind Matthew and smiled. "Okay."he said, moving to pull the Canadian into a hug. "I can do that. I'm awesome like that, remember?"

"You're an idiot like that, more like."Matthew commented dryly.

Gilbert shrugged and gave a grin. "You're the one who puts up with it. You have since you met me."

"Of course. You saw me. I can deal with an idiot."Matthew responded, laughing softly.

Gilbert saw Alfred walking up out of the corner of his eye and smiled. "I'm your idiot now."he deadpanned.

Matthew laughed. "That's true."

Gilbert heard Alfred stop walking just two steps away then and knew he was in trouble.

Alfred examined the two before he spoke. "What's going on?"

Matthew gave an innocent smile and moved out of the hug that he was wrapped in. "Nothing, Al."

"Are you two together?"Alfred blurted.

Matthew face palmed, but Gilbert smiled and nodded.

Alfred gave him a long look before he spoke. "Don't hurt him. I mean it. You will be killed if you hurt him."

Gilbert held his hands up in innocence.

"C'mon, Mattie, let's get home."Alfred said, giving Gilbert a dark look as he grabbed his brother's hand.

The following morning, Matthew told Gilbert what Alfred had said after they got home.

Gilbert laughed himself silly and shook his head. "Ah man, can't believe I missed that." 

The next two months were nice. Once the Christmas feel came into the air, Gilbert started planning. he was used to getting his friends stuff for Christmas - he'd done it all the time in Germany. He just had to figure out what.

So, the last day before Christmas break, he brought the gifts for them to school and handed them to their owners. He saved Matthew's for after school, since he knew he'd have time to talk then.

Matthew waited on him outside the school, bundled in a coat and scarf in the snow.

Gilbert smiled softly as he walked up. "Hey, Birdie."

Matthew smiled at the pet name, allowing Gilbert to pull him into a hug. "Oh, you're still warm from being inside."he commented in pleasant surprise.

"Are you cold?"Gilbert asked. "You didn't have to wait out here in the snow for me, mein liebe."

Matthew shrugged. "I wanted to."

Gilbert smiled and got a package out of his pocket and held it out to the Canadian.

Matthew blinked at it before he smiled and took it, drawing a package of his own out and handing it to Gilbert. "I was going to wait to give it to you..but Al talked me into the giving presents today to the few friends I have."

Gilbert nodded in understanding. "It's a habit for me. Every year."

After that, they fell silent as they opened their gifts, knowing that it would be easier.

Gilbert smiled in amusement when he saw the necklace chain. He should've known. He'd made a comment around Matthew during their first date about his chain for his Iron cross breaking. He hadn't expected this. There was also a joke pendent there, a double sided - one with a picture of the iron cross, one with a artisic swastica. "Oh man...how...?"

Matthew shrugged. "My mom made it. She's amazing with crafts like that. And she doesn't ask questions."

Gilbert smiled and put the chain and pendent in his bookbag before zipping it back up. "Open yours."

Matthew nodded and quietly unwrapped the present. He smiled softly when he saw the armband there. It looked like it was handmade. He turned it over in his hands, examining the design. There was a red maple leaf on one side, then the rest was a normal punk checkerboard design in black and white. "This is amazing."he commented, pushing his left sleeve up and put the armband on. He looked back up at Gilbert with a smile.  
Gilbert grinned at him. "C'mon, let's get you home before you freeze."

"Fine. But you have to come in and have hot chocolate before you can go home."Matthew commented.  
Gilbert nodded. "Fine by me."

That evening, Matthew walked Gilbert out to the front porch to say goodbye and the Prussian paused at the edge of the porch and turned back to look at Matthew. "Have a good break, Mattie. I'll see soon?"

Matthew nodded.

Gilbert smiled and moved to pull the Canadian into a kiss.

Matthew froze when he felt Gilbert kiss him.

Once he pulled back, Gilbert smiled. "Goodnight,"he said softly, heading off the porch and starting the trek home.

Matthew watched him until he was out of sight, a hand pressed to his lips in surpise. He entered the house again and leaned against the door, smiling softly.

Alfred raised an eyebrow at his brother. "Kiss?"he asked.

Matthew looked up at Alfred and smiled.

Alfred sighed. "Right..."

Things calmed down again after the break. It was a nice change. Matthew wasn't used to coming back to school and being met with someone who really cared for him. He definitely wouldn't change a thing if he could.

**And here it is. This turned a bit different than I planned and will be continued if you guys want. **


End file.
